Suffering Blue Whales Plead With Environmentalists To Let Them Go Extinct Already

NORTH PACIFIC OCEAN—"We really appreciate all you’ve done for us, but now you need to let us die," intoned a 170-ton blue whale through a series of deep and mournful vocalizations. "I swallowed two plastic coolers, a tire, and about a hundred gallons of oil this morning. Is that any way to live?"

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